25lines, redux

The new year is a socially accepted time for change. A somewhat forced introspection and stock taking. When you mistakenly write 2009 and you have to fix it, you Remember.

In school, the break away from most peers was sufficient to excuse large changes. The winter break, shorter, meant that you could change but there was some reason behind it. It wasn’t suspect but it didn’t permit everything. Summer on the other hand allowed a wealth of excuses for an identity shift.

Camp. Play. Friends. Parties. Bonfires. Travel.

I made a habit of shifting every time it was permitted. Sometimes big, sometimes small. In school it was a great way to try on new selves. New face, new hair, new scent, new ideas, thoughts, social attitudes. New face.

Thirst is nothing, image is everything.

So I shift now. Reconsidering everything, ignoring nothing. Careful deliberation on the minutest of details, evaluating every temporal draw, every aspect of my day, every social interaction, third party, and yes, even every thought. Every hint of a thought. I choose to design my life not because it is easy–To drift aimless is the life I will never have (again). I am unable to prevent the inferno that burns away every last bit and reconstructs, piece by piece. So each term draws to a close and I find myself rearranging faces to make a new face. Burning the exterior to let the new and improved (ooh, shiny!!) inner self bubble forth.

But amidst the many faces, who is Simon Templar? Behind the masques, who am I really? If I can dance with a dozen faces, then my true identity must be the inner, faceless, self.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 4th, 2010 at 2:47 am and is filed under all. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.